• Posted on September 13, 2012

Bangin’ Books! The Music & Writer Edition

*posted by noodle*

There are two books currently occupying our must-read book list: How Music Works (David Byrne) and The Good Girls Revolt (by Lynn Povich). We’re particularly giddy with excitement because they tie in two of mousybabe’s favorite hobbies: music and writing!

The Good Girls Revolt (Lynn Povich)

In The Good Girls Revolt, Lynn Povich recounts a seminal lawsuit that she and 45 other women filed in 1970 (and won!) against their employer, Newsweek magazine, for gender discrimination. How awesome is that? All I can think of is that they must’ve been scared shitless to take on the Man (literally) back in those days. It’s easy for people to stand up on the regular today and say hey, these are my RIGHTS, as a first, and probably impactful, line of defense. But Povich reminds us that wasn’t always the case, and certainly not in the ’70s.

Some of the women filing the lawsuit must have fought those inertial whispers of doubt or resignation in the back of their heads: Is it really worth the fight? Should we really rock this boat? But we’re sure glad they did. And so should every girl out there who is or aspires to be a professional writer.

Can’t help but think of something that Senate hopeful Elizabeth Warren said, which reminds us never to assume that the success or peace or comforts we enjoy today weren’t built on the backs of so many people who came before us:

“There is nobody in this country who got rich on his own. Nobody. You built a factory out there, good for you. But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on the roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate.”

How Music Works (David Byrne)

The second book is How Music Works. So curious are we at the prospect of peering voyeuristically through a window into Talking Heads frontman David Byrne’s kooky, brilliant and mysterious mind. Why should we be so interested? The Daily  Beast puts it quite simply:

At 60, Byrne already has the résumé of five normal people. Over the course of four decades, changing personas faster than most men change ties, he has flourished as a musician, visual artist, film director, and author, and he has collaborated with everyone from Twyla Tharp and William Eggleston to Caetano Veloso and, most recently, St. Vincent. A musical he worked on with Fatboy Slim called Here Lies Love, about Imelda Marcos, will premiere in New York next year.

So yeah, that’s why. ;) We hope you’ll consider giving it a read too. Tell us what you think!

Speaking of David Byrne, not only do we have precious tickets to see him perform his new “Love This Giant” with St. Vincent at Strathmore, but we’ve also reserved our spots to hear him speak about his new book Oct. 1 as part of the Smithsonian’s Lecture & Seminar series. The special guest for his DC stop of the book tour is none other than David Lowry, singer of Cracker and Camper Van Beethoven! Indeed, Mr. Byrne enjoys some diehard fans at Mousybabe HQ.

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  • Posted on September 04, 2012

Rib-Crackin Top Tweets on #GOP2012

*posted by noodle*

(photo from Funny Or Die Tumblr)

We’ve been tickled pretty funny these last few days from tweets on the presidential election. Check out some of our faves:

From @PaulRyanGosling (“the better Paul Ryan”):

  • Hey girl, don’t worry about saving the planet. Mitt says we can always get a new one.
  • Hey girl, I’m a little worried about Clint this morning. He’s at The Sharper Image arguing with a massage chair. :(
  • Hey girl, I take off my expensive silk ties when I’m trying to look “working class.”
  • Hey girl, it doesn’t matter how many lies I told in my speech tonight. I have God and nature on my side.

From @ChrisRocksOz:

  • The only time Romney ever cried was when the Joker burned the pile of money in the Dark Knight. #RNC #GOP2012
  • Clint Eastwood on the phone with Obama now: “It all went according to plan,sir.” #RNC #GOP2012
  • The Dems should have an empty chair on stage for the entire DNC, & when anyone asks who it belongs to, they can say Osama bin Laden
  • Mitt Romney says he’s never paid less than 13% in taxes, which I think is fair because only 13% of his money is in this country #GOP2012
  • Half a billion dollars have been spent on campaign ads so far. It’s a good thing our schools & economy are in great shape or I’d be mad #RNC

From @jenstatsky:

  • Rick Santorum frantically running around making sure those balloons aren’t actually condoms. #RNC
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  • Posted on August 30, 2011

Kinshasa One Two

*posted by noodle*

Teaser for a new album, Kinshasa One Two, by a DRC collective of producers assembled by Damon Albarn. Proceeds go to the Congolese people.

 3 words: Check. It. Out.

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  • Posted on July 14, 2010

MIA vs. New York Times

*posted by devotchkaa*

… this is ancient news by today’s standards, but there’s something I took away from this whole “Truffle-gate” fiasco and meant to post about awhile back.

so here goes, just in case you missed these entertaining NY Times and Pitchfork articles a couple months ago, one of which led MIA to angrily tweet the columnist’s personal phone number… It’s like 5th grade all over again, yay! and all of this over a silly article about whether musicians and artists are “out of line” when they start to talk politics. But who am I to call this silly? I live for this kind of crap : )

Apparently columnist Lynn Hirschberg of the NY Times penned a disparaging column in May in which she pointed out Maya’s hypocrisy and lack of coherence when talking about the political violence in her home country of Sri Lanka. Throughout the column, Hirschberg intersperses Maya’s typical “I’m-such-a-badass, I’m-in-alliance-with-the-Tamil-Tigers-terrorist-groups” quotes with descriptions of what she was ordering at some shi-shi restaurant in LA during the interview.

To Hirschberg’s credit, the article was brilliantly written … acutely obnoxious, and a textbook example of “don’t just tell the reader what happened, SHOW them.” She doesn’t so much criticize MIA as simply assemble the pure facts — MIA’s verbatim quotes, the now-famous fancy “truffles-flavored french fries” she was eating while stating, “I kind of want to be an outsider,” and the fact that MIA and her fiance just bought a ginormous estate in LA — and Hirschberg somehow manages to depict MIA as a snot-nosed celeb who’s either an untouchable genius of the global marketing world or else a total hypocritical idiot who doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

As cogently written as it was, I hardly agree with Hirschberg’s assessment. It sorta sounds like she had it in for MIA before the interview even began. The NY Times eventually issued a correction to the column, revealing that a couple statements were pieced together out of chronological order and thus taken out of context. And MIA also issued a recording of the interview in which Hirschberg herself “suggested” the ordering of these infamous truffles-flavored French fries. What a biatch Hirschberg was, as it turns out. Now the real question at hand — how do I get my hands on some of these truffles-flavored French fries?

(unfortunately for MIA, a google image search of “truffle-flavored french fries” now pulls up multiple photos of MIA, alongside various glamour shots of fries)

Pitchfork then ran something of a “response piece” on this whole dilly. One quote from the article (see below) rang very true to me and is the main thing I wanted to share here, more than any of this catty bullshit. The quote defends MIA’s right to talk politics in her role as an artist. It sorta echoes what Howard Zinn said in his Artist in Times of War essays (which I posted on a couple months ago).

“After all, people don’t need to be “sophisticated” to be right. People don’t need to be nuanced or thoughtful to say something important. (Sometimes sophistication is a way of keeping people powerless– ignoring anyone who doesn’t speak your diplomatic language.) And people definitely don’t need to be any of those things to release good music. Hirschberg isn’t much interested in the music; in that sense, the piece is like reading breaking news that Public Enemy’s politics may have been– get this– somewhat messy or incoherent. And politics is important, but so are love, sex, religion, and how we treat one another as human beings– all topics we’re often fine with pop musicians acting out in ways that are contradictory, unsubtle, or problematic. We don’t need musicians to be “right” so much as we need them to be resonant– and at least not objectionably wrong.”

Well said, Nitsuh Abebe of Pitchfork.

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  • Posted on May 07, 2010

Banksy: Exit Through The Gift Shop

*posted by devotchkaa*

If you have free time this week, go see “Exit Through The Gift Shop” at E Street. Well worth the 87 minutes. The film synopsis was rather cryptic, which made me equal parts intrigued and mildly irritated — a big name behind a film doesn’t necessarily translate into awesome filmage, especially where the director isn’t even known first and foremost for filmmaking.

(Such may have been the case, for instance, with the much-hyped Animal Collective film ODDSAC, which I waffled about seeing for a ridiculous amount of time. I had free tickets and the trailer had some enticing vampiric gothy-ness, but I also suspected it would just be a psychedelic mishmash of cool but otherwise meaningless visuals… in other words overkill on the artsy fartsy. If you’ve seen it, I’d love to hear what you thought).

But in this case, the director was Banksy, the notoriously elusive street artist whose subversive work has pretty much become iconic worldwide. And seeing as I am a humongo mongo mongo-ass Blur fan, this was enough to intrigue me (see Banksy’s ubiquitous cover art for the Think Tank record).

Here’s some of his peace-provoking pieces:

And this:

And lots of other street art in very public, and sometimes very societally sensitive places… ahem, such as the wall at the West Bank in Israel and Palestine.

Well after seeing this film, I could see why it was hard not to provide a cryptic synopsis. It was one of those baffling art-within-art-within-art type deals where the film transcends “documentary” (ie, a collection of pure facts) and morphs, before your very eyes, into art itself.

Through the first half of the film, I was duped into thinking this was going to be a relatively straight-ahead, humdrum (albeit fascinating) documentary of the underground subculture of graffiti artists. Basically, an average joe (Thierry Guetta, a Frenchman who immigrated to LA) is obsessed with the enigmatic, faceless Banksy and makes it his life goal to track him down. He succeeds and he even befriends Banksy, gaining his trust and shadows him at night as goes out to create his illicit street art. What’s more, he films Banksy … hence the documentary we are now watching.

But of course it couldn’t be that simple. Everything takes an abrupt turn about mid-way and you watch as Banksy essentially puppeteers a real-life situation into a work of art in itself, the same way he’s so good at finding that simple twist on a very mundane object and using it to reveal some painful and darkly humorous irony about our culture. The genius of it all is that the story literally becomes a real-life incarnation of some of the core messages in Banksy and Shepard Fairey‘s artwork about the power of perception in our society, and the danger in this, given that perception can be so easily fabricated and manipulated … through art, of all things. The film included Shepard Fairey, Borf, Space Invader and some other well-known graffiti artists. And Rhys Ifans, who apparently used to sing in Super Furry Animals, narrates the whole thing, at one point referring to street art as “the biggest counter-cultural movement since punk.”

Shepard Fairey’s famous Obey Giant campaign:

Parts of the film were pretty hilarious and entertaining, but it’s a good question who gets the last laugh in this film. It’s Banksy’s film, though, and he comes across as a rather amazing mastermind… whether those two facts are correlated is up to the viewer to decide. Banksy’s pretty darn rad regardless. And we still don’t know what he looks like. Just that he has a British accent and looks cool in a hoodie in the shadow.

PS, if you’re the type to live for those touchy feely discussions about what is art, why is art, what makes art great, is all art great, etc., (all that crap haha, jk I’m one of them!) this documentary will have a bit for you to chew on for days.

Below are some more of Banksy’s works:

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  • Posted on April 21, 2010

Artists In Times Of War

*posted by devotchkaa*

The other day I was in a rush to catch my train to Philly, and I grabbed a small book out of my little library – I needed something digestible for the 2-3 hour train ride. It was a copy of Howard Zinn’s “Artists in Times of War” (Seven Stories Press, one of my favorite publishing companies). John Clov had lent me this book a couple years ago, quoting something or other about anarchy as he often did at the time, but to my own discredit, I never sat down and read the whole thing.

The book is a collection of speeches and essays by the late Zinn, the first of which makes a case for why artists, along with ordinary citizens, have a place, a right, … indeed a duty(!) to be active in politics. Often you hear the typical rant against liberal Hollywood and rockstars who speak out against war, the belittling of their views because they’re not ‘experts’ or ‘professionals’ in the field, so they should just do what they do best which is play guitar or act – ie be a monkey and entertain.

But Zinn has a different view. Is there such a thing as an expert in morality? In how to live, in whether your country should kill, to bomb or not to bomb? Does it require an expert to know these things? He points to British actor Peter Ustinov, who was criticized for his lack of “expertise” in the ’70s when speaking out against the Vietnam war:

“[Ustinov] said that there are experts in little things but there are no experts in big things. There are experts in this fact and that fact but there are no moral experts… All of us, no matter what we do, have the right to make moral decisions about the world.”

Therefore artists, along with ordinary citizens, have every right to an activist role in politics. In fact, they are endowed with the unique gift for revealing deep truths to the masses in the guise of what is perceived to be fiction or entertainment, and therefore benign enough for publication (read: Catch-22, Slaughterhouse Five)… whereas the very same ideas, written in a paper by a historian or professor might very well be muzzled before seeing the light of day. Zinn quoted Picasso: “Art is a lie that makes us realize truth.” (Emily has had that quote in her email signature for awhile and I just now got what it meant!)

Of course when you go out and criticize your government, you more or less beg to be accused of being unpatriotic, yet it is precisely LOVE for your country that calls for keeping sharp tabs on her institutions, and for a diligent and tireless effort to protect your country from those who run her institutions and threaten to trample all that she stands for just because they happen to sit in the driver’s seat. Zinn quotes Mark Twain – author, reformer & activist – in his novel “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court”:

“You see my kind of loyalty was loyalty to one’s country, not to its institutions or its officeholders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death. To be loyal to rags, to shout for rags, to worship rags, to die for rags – that is a loyalty of unreason, it is pure animal; it belongs to monarchy, was invented by monarchy; let monarchy keep it. … ‘… all political power is inherent in the people, and all free governments are founded on their authority and instituted for their benefit; and that they have at all times an undeniable and indefeasible right to alter their form of government in such a manner as they may think expedient.’”

Finally, Zinn quotes Dylan in arguably some of the most powerful lines of verse ever written in American history. Incidentally, a couple weeks ago, I came across a story about how Dylan had to cancel his Asia tour because China declined to allow him to perform there.

Apparently they were worried about his iconic counterculture status – and at first I had to laugh at the absurdity of China’s continued censorship. Ok, I guess I can understand fear of the Internet, but how weak must your institutions be that you can’t let a 68-year-old, peace-loving musician perform, who, these days, does nothing more than grunt and growl through his sets? No need to worry about Dylan leading a chant of ‘Tibet’ the way Bjork did. But you know, thinking again, I take that back completely. China’s Ministry of Culture is very wise to decline to be graced by Dylan. He is a terrible danger to weak institutions. He is a threat to China’s national security. Listen to these lyrics and try to imagine a Chinese youth unsparked with a desire for something better… if anything, just a more transparent government that trusts its citizens enough to sift through information on the Internet, even if it reveals past mistakes, such as the Tiananmen Square massacre. I was walking home at the time that I read these lyrics and had chills along the back of my neck on a beautiful spring afternoon.

Masters of War (Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan):
Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build all the bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks.

You that never done nothin’
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it’s your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly.

Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain.

You fasten all the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
When the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion’
As young people’s blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud.

You’ve thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain’t worth the blood
That runs in your veins.

How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I’m young
You might say I’m unlearned
But there’s one thing I know
Though I’m younger than you
That even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do.

Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul.

And I hope that you die
And your death’ll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I’ll watch while you’re lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I’ll stand over your grave
‘Til I’m sure that you’re dead.

Reading Zinn’s book made me think of a Google alert, also a couple weeks ago, of a YouTube vid in which some anti-war protester used our song Renegade as the soundtrack to footage she took during the anti-war march in Washington in March.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSBr_sXVTb8&feature=related]

The interesting thing to me is that the song wasn’t even an anti-war song, but I suppose it’s the principle that is the same. Renegade is an old song – it was our way of taunting the bland and stifling expectations of life that we kids felt we were expected to have coming out of college – the idea of immediately falling into line and following the paths and ideas of those who came before, simply because all older people know best, after all they’d lived the most years, they should know right? They are the experts aren’t they? Psyche your mind. These would be the most impressionable years of your life. So take the time to sow some fruitful, sustainable seeds.

Now if I might quote someone myself – writer, pastor & thinker Rob Bell who writes in his book “Velvet Elvis” about the “living” nature of truth. Though he writes in the context of the Christian faith, his ideas are applicable across the board. Contrary to knee-jerk perceptions about truth, he welcomes flexibility, reclamation, and redefinition of what has been handed to us as hard, unmalleable truth. He compares the Christian faith to the act of painting – pointing out how absurd it would be to assume that any one work of art could be such a masterpiece as to eclipse the need for any future artists to attempt to paint anymore.

“The tradition then is painting, not making copies of the same painting over and over. The challenge of the art is to take what was great about teh previous paintings and incorporate that into new paintings. And in the process, make something beautiful – for today.”

I’m not even sure we knew what we were fighting against at the time we wrote Renegade, nor what we were aiming for…I’m sure we were just being annoying bratty kids ;) Be that as it may, I guess the song was our own personal dare to figure out for ourselves, then, what it was we aimed for, rather than incorporating what was conveniently pre-defined for us. And it is a reminder to myself to try to live fearlessly… to own it, and ultimately to receive and accept the authority to define, as a dutiful citizen, what I would like to see my government do (and not do).

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  • Posted on September 01, 2009

Thank you – "Jin Doh Xia"!

*posted by weepingstar*

(For translation, see below!)
So… our fundraising deadline of Sept. 1 has finally arrived and we’re still dumbfounded by the response for our little home video – 108,000+ hits! From what we know, we were able to encourage at least $6,065 in donations for the relief efforts, which also exceeded our heart-patchhumble expectations. While no amount of money will ever reverse the devastating loss of loved ones and homes, we hope that any little bit can help survivors to stand strong and recover quickly. Thanks so much to everyone, friends, families and strangers across the Pacific who bothered to share this with others and to pledge donations.

Many of you said you were moved to tears by the song. We were in turn touched by the unexpected outpouring of warmth, kindness and support, especially for a pair of 2nd generation Taiwanese Americans. taiwanIt made us feel like little long-lost grandchildren being welcomed back by their loving “ah-gohng and ah-ma” (grandparents) with open arms and open heart. Reading the hundreds of sweet comments gave us a happy sense of pride and belonging in our hearts. The response was also a testament to the strength of Taiwanese pride and identity. Needless to say, it was emotional and a bit overwhelming. You make us proud to be Taiwanese :)

For those who do not understand the lyrics of “Ai Bianh,” here is a simple translation. We chose this song because it reflects the Taiwanese spirit, which is resilient in the face of challenges, as well as upbeat and hardworking. The message must resonate powerfully with many Taiwanese now, who may feel defeated and down after all the suffering caused by the storm.

There is no need to complain when you feel demoralized/
No need to be scared in the face of abjection/
Don’t ever lose hope and grow drunk and numb/
Lest you become a scarecrow – a body without a soul./
Life, like the ocean tide, has its highs and its lows/
In good times and in bad, you must pick yourself up and carry on/
Success is 3 parts heaven’s will, and 7 parts hard work/
So you must work hard to succeed!

Because so many people seemed to enjoy ?????, we may just make a recording of our own Taiwanese-American folk rendition in the near future! Along with any other Taiwanese songs we know. ;) So do visit us again!

love,
emily + susan (??? + ???)
++++++++++++++++++++++

Translation:
?????????????? (????)????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?

???????“?????”?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????. :)

??????“?????”????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

????????????????????????? “?????”???????????????????????????????????????????

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  • Posted on August 20, 2009

ok What the Fudge…

*posted by devotchkaa*

So we pared our goal down from 2,000 hits (in the video) to 500 hits. But in less than 48 hours, we were at 11,000+ hits! And now a week later, we’re at 72,000+! We’re so moved you could squeegee tears out of us. Thanks so much to everyone, friends, families, strangers across the Pacific who bothered to share this with others and to pledge! We were initially going to donate $125 together, but because of the tremendous response, we’ll scrape up another $125 for the cause, on top of all the kind pledges we received via email. Hope this will be an extra boost to help dear Taiwan get back on her feet! We currently know of at least $6,065 in donations, yay.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72M9-kyVxsc]
To view this clip on YouTube.com, click here.

We have a list of pledges so far:
E.H. $0.25/hit ($125)
S.H. $0.25/hit ($125)
J.S. $0.25/hit ($125)
S.P. $0.25/hit ($125)
M.F. $0.25/hit ($125)
C.W. & A.W. $0.25/hit ($125)
B.C. & J.C. $0.25/hit ($125)
Anonymous ($2,000)
B.N. ($20)
K.E. ($20)
J.F.S. ($100)
M.S. ($100) (already sent to TAA!)
M.C. ($100)
Y.S. ($200)
J&J ($200)
T.C. ($100)
Anonymous ($100)
L.T. ($100)
S.H. ($100)
B&R ($125)
BG: $500
Wang5042: “$500 donation to TAA sent.” ($500)
J.S. ($100)
J.H. ($100)
T.T. ($50)
F.R.S. “a few dollars”
K.H. “I made a donation”
= a total of at least $6,065, if everyone honors their pledge!

Here is a list of some places where our fundraising video has been mentioned.

One of several Taiwan news stations:
[youtube=http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=tg7g5Wwpavk]

China Times – front page!
Knox Road
Typhoon Morakot Fundraiser CNN
News 100 Blog
Radio Taiwan International
Angry Asian Man
Future Rocket Soul
TaiwaneseAmerican.org
YellowBuzz
Southnews

…and Facebook5

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  • Posted on April 29, 2009

Swine Flu: The ‘Not It’ Syndrome

*posted by devotchkaa*

Keith Bradsher’s article in the NY Times about what to name the Swine Flu is pretty comical, despite the seriousness of it all. It’s like a hot potato, and every country, religion, nationality, race, &culture is trying not to get burned. It reads like an Onion article!

Government officials in Thailand, one of the world’s largest meat exporters, have started referring to the disease as “Mexican flu.” An Israeli deputy health minister — an ultra-Orthodox Jew — said his country would do the same, to keep Jews from having to say the word “swine.” However, his call seemed to have been largely ignored.

Janet Napolitano, the secretary for homeland security, and Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack went out of their way at a press conference in Washington on Tuesday to refer to the virus by its scientific name, as the “H1N1 virus.”

That’s really sweet of U.S. officials to try to be PC about it :)

wenn2323125swine__opt
(foto from Perez Hilton)

As for the World Organization for Animal Health, which handles veterinary issues around the world, it:

issued a statement late Monday suggesting that the new disease should be labeled “North American influenza,” in keeping with a long medical tradition of naming influenza pandemics for the regions where they were first identified.

Bradsher notes that influenza viruses typically originate in Asian countries where people live in high-density areas in proximity with hogs and chickens. Sweet.

The Mexican ambassador to Beijing, Jorge Guajardo, has been outspoken this week in suggesting that the disease did not originate in Mexico. He said in a telephone interview on Tuesday that the disease was brought to his country by an infected person from somewhere in “Eurasia,” the land mass of Europe and Asia… “This did not happen in Mexico,” he said, adding, “It was a human who brought this to Mexico.”

Um guys… let’s just focus on containing it. This swine flu has made me terribly paranoid. I’ve been washing my hands like an OCD-stricken paranoid ‘mongoloid’… Hm I wonder how that term came about? Got a great Devo tune out of it though…

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  • Posted on April 13, 2009

The Great 'Douchebag Drain'

*posted by weepingstar*

220px-andyborowitzCouldn’t resist posting Andy Borowitz‘s latest news blip, in light of the friendly little discussion we hosted on exec bonuses a few weeks back. What can I say? The guy captures the essence of the story, in so many words. ;)

Wall Street Salary Caps Drive Away Assholes

Experts Warn of ‘Douchebag Drain’

As the federal government moves to institute salary caps for Wall Street executives, an increasing number of assholes are seeking employment elsewhere, a study confirmed today.

According to the report commissioned by the University of Minnesota’s School of Business, at a time when the economy needs experienced hands at the tiller, some of the financial world’s best-trained dickwads are fleeing the ship.

And if the trend continues, the study warns, Wall Street could soon be facing a ‘douchebag drain’ as top buttholes migrate to other countries and industries.

‘There is no question that our company is losing some of its most valued assholes,’ says Bank of America CEO Kenneth Lewis. ‘I have tried to convince them to stay, but how do you reason with them? After all, they’re assholes.’

At Blarney O’Malley’s, a popular watering hole catering to Wall Street traders, prominent assholes congregated after work last week to ponder the career options facing douchcicles today.

‘When I graduated from B-school in ’98, you could write your own ticket,’ said Dirk Bendelson, a veteran asshole from Stamford, Connecticut. ‘It was a glorious time to be a mofo.’

Mr. Bendelson said he was considering using his Wall Street experience to pursue a career that would not be subject to regulation or salary caps: ‘I’m thinking of becoming a pirate.’

Elsewhere, the IRS announced that April 15 is the tax-filing deadline for all Americans not in the president’s Cabinet.

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