‘Baby, I’m sweating all over you!’

my job isn’t particularly hard but damned if it isn’t interesting.

there’s this woman who places her skeezy ads every week and she’s one of those customers who thinks she’s the best advertiser that ever happened to our company and that she’s entitled to discounts for being a ‘good customer’. the only problem is that she’s probably the worst one of them all (and that says a lot). Her credit card declines all the time, she comes in 10 minutes before deadline every week with several scraps of paper on which she’s scrawled inaccurate self-descriptions in hopes of duping some equally skeezy dude with $100 to burn.

Can’t figure out what her deal is but she shows up wearing a different wig each time. it’s never particularly flashy, always black but different styles and hair length. Maybe she thinks she’s incognito. Sometimes she’s rather chummy and pleasant, saying ‘Baby’ this, ‘Baby’ that and how much she appreciates what I do. I noticed she calls everybody ‘baby’ from me to her little dog to her clients. But when she tries to hardball me it can get pretty hellish and annoying. >:-(!! She patronizes me about having a ‘negative attitude’ and hangs up on me.

on this particular day, it’s 15 minutes til deadline and word on the street is that she’s walking from the metro to our office. (there’s a heat advisory outside because it’s 98 degrees) when she gets here, her face looks like your windshield when it’s pouring rain and you haven’t turned your wipers on yet. i was about to laugh when she came to the counter. she’s on her cell phone with a client, ‘baby you just come down here and I’ll take care of you… mm hmm… of course baby. c’mon baby you know me, you just come down here and you know i’ll take care o’ you real good.’ all this good stuff… and then suddenly ‘so baby what was your first name again? … it’ll be hundred for this and then blah-blah for, you know, that other stuff we were talking about.’

once she’s off her call, she’s hunched over the counter with me trying to word her ad off of a piece of notebook paper. I notice there’s like drops of liquid on the paper and wonder in passing what it might be. but I didn’t pay it much mind until she’s like, ‘oh my god baby, i’m sweating all over this! whew it’s hot out’ :-O omg … ew. anyway so whaddya know. the next day her card declined. and the first thing my boss told me when i walked in that morning was that we had to delete some inappropriate photos she had posted over nite… namely one of her with a strap-on getting a BJ. (<– abbrevated to avoid getting picked up by nasty Google search visitors).

so that about sums it up.