Sartre said ‘Hell is other people’. And I’ve subscribed to that in my ignorance for a long time. But I realize life is meaningless without other people. Without other people, there’s no way to define yourself and nothing to define yourself against. And worst of all there’s no one there to notice whatever the hell you decide to do anyway. There are moments where I’m totally humbled and I realize what a novice I am in life. It’s like that one scene in Brothers Karamazov that’s always stuck in my head of dearest innocent Alyosha bending down to kiss the earth in its radiance. It’s the same feeling when you come across mountains and oceans for the first time in a long time. You’ve never felt so small and still felt so content in the way you belonged, however miniscule, to the great plan of the earth. I could drop all my dreams and just learn to be. I love the people in my life. I miss Emily who’s far far away.