Em and I met up in Chevy Chase after work Thursday night because we had passes to an advance screening of The Coen Brothers’ Burn After Reading. I expected a fight to get in, but I didn’t imagine the crowd to be a massive human wreckage of sweat, McDonald’s and some kind of carryout with onions.

I got there almost 2 hrs early and there was already a pretty intense line. Apparently, some people are pro’s at this free advance screening stuff. People had their dinners and were eating in line. As more people got in line, the employees kept widening the tape and herding more people in. Two guys in front of me were having a catty little back-and-forth with another older business man, after he suggested people move forward and fill in the spaces.

This is the relatively thin line before the crowds came.

Em finally arrived and joined me. By then we were packed in like sardines with our faces at the level of other people’s wet armpits. When Em pulled out a half-eaten chocolate muffin from her bag, a big woman began eyeing it, then proceeded to joke that she could take her on. Nice.

Anyway, I had been looking forward to this screening all week, but it suddenly occurred to us that we had the option to just leave and wait 24 hours to see the film in a regular setting. From under someone’s armpit, Em and I looked at each other and said ‘Let’s blow this joint.’ haha

As we left the swarm, one of the theater workers was yelling out: “OK EVERYBODY, I GOT 3. THINGS. TO TELL YOU!!! Number One! You HAVE to have your passes out when you get to the door!! And Number TWOOOO. We Got SE-CYOOH-rity!!! So open your bags up—”

Security?! It’s a frickin movie! We missed the 3rd thing she had to say. Ah well.

Written by devotchkaa

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